She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
