it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
