Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
