Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
