WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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