Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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