I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
MIDGETS
????
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
