It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
