handjob tips. give me some.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
