I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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