sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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