as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
