forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
