I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
