if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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