I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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