I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
