I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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