okay pat passed out under dana's car
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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