twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
