I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
