i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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