The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
do nipples grow back?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
