You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
