i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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