very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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