btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
