just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
