I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
