told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
