Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
