you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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