# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
