i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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