he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
