So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
