Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
