He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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