just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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