there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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