So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
