I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
