I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
