I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
