My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
