i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
