Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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