dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
