i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
