this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
