i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
