Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
