Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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