Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
