I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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