please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
