Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
