Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
