Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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