Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
