With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
