There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I need to stop coming to work sober
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
